Don't Hide Your Inner Madness

In providing guidance to aspiring writers, the poet Allen Ginsberg shared. "It's more important to concentrate on what you want to say to yourself and your friends. Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness.You say what you want to say when you don't care who's listening. If you're grasping to get your own voice, you're making a strained attempt to talk, so it's a matter of just listening to yourself as you sound when you're talking about something that's intensely important to you.”

For anyone who's felt the influence of mental health issues, it often seems like we're in a different world from those around us. Our emotions spike and nose-dive frequently. We are subject to far-fetched, unrealistic thinking. We reach a fevered mania only to fall into a deep and all-consuming depression.

The solutions that well-meaning friends and family offer provide no solace in times of depression. Take a walk; count your blessings; think positive thoughts. Blah. Blah. Blah. We often try all of these things to no avail.

On the other side of the spectrum, our manic thoughts seem all too real to us. We're on top of the world and nothing can bring us down. We forget that it was only a few days ago that it felt like the world was caving in on us. Our friends tell us to calm down, to get a grip, to come back to reality. All the while we're thinking, they just don't get it.They don't see the possibilities.

All of these thoughts and emotions are real for us. As Dumbledore told Harry Potter in the Deathly Hallows, "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?”

I don't think that many people who haven't gone through the challenges of having minds that play (sometimes heinous) tricks can really appreciate what it is like to "be out of your mind."

Is it this madness we should refrain from hiding? Is Ginsberg really saying we should let that madness be revealed to the world around us? I know, for me, that brings up all kinds of concerns about how I will be treated and thought of afterwards. I know when I do share some of my experiences, especially with those who haven't experienced it themselves, that I am usually terribly anxious afterwards of what they now think of me.

I have worked really hard to overcome worrying what others think of me. There was a time when every laugh and snicker I heard I thought was directed at me. Until I realized that most people are too caught up in their own worlds to be too terribly concerned about mine. I'm largely past that now.

That said, I'm still terribly anxious about revealing my inner madness.

What about you? Do you feel safe in revealing your inner madness?