What a Pain ;-)

Yesterday, I saw a short video on Bipolar TV on the WebMD site. Jane Pauley is interviewing David Miklowitz, Ph.D. regarding behavioral activation (the video is under Bipolar in Focus). From what I gathered, the purpose of behavioral activation is to enable the individual with bipolar disorder to work towards accomplishing goals, i.e. re-engaged with their environment.

As those who have experienced depression know, things that were once pleasurable are no longer. Behavioral activation seeks to remedy that scenario and has proven to be effective for some.

In the video, Dr Miklowitz used the example of a patient who is severely depressed and has just broken up with his wife.  There are two things in his life that remain important to him: his animals and his garden. Other than that he wants to stay in bed. The therapist may work with this individual to arise 15 minutes earlier and to take the dog for a walk.  The key is to gradually get the individual re-engaged with his environment.

I have been working on getting myself more engaged with my environment. While recovering from this depressive episode that I am, there are a few things that have kept me going: my family, my faith/church service, and music. After a period of time, I also began to write again which I had let slip out of my life as I concentrated on my career as an accountant.

At this point, I'm still not certain if I will go back to work as an accountant. It is also probably one of the areas of my life that I've been avoiding like none other.

In addition to watching the video on behavioral activation, I also watched a video on the "Benefits of Volunteering" (under Bipolar Tips for Life).  Putting the two together I thought this might be a good way to move towards getting back into the workforce. While I'm OK with living a non-conventional life, in fact my goal is to do so, for nearly the past twenty years I've worked for some form of corporation or another. At times, I've actually enjoyed it--enough said.

My present thinking, as well as my wife's and many others in my support structure, has been that I'll get back into working for somebody else. Which brought me to the volunteering way of getting back into work. Unfortunately, filling out the forms yesterday sent me into an unexpected physical onslaught. At the time, I had no idea how to even put it into words. Even now, as I write about it, I begin to feel some of the same physical challenges: racing pulse and pressure in my head. It also involves feeling constricted with tightness in my throat. My hand, which I had surgery on years ago, has also been acting up like it hasn't in years.

It's certainly an uncomfortable experience and one I don't really understand. I didn't know if I was having a panic attack or a heart attack. I saw on WebMD that anxiety and physical symptoms often come in tandem with depression. (Also check out the Depression Symptom Finder tool in the right-hand side-bar. You can also use this useful depression symptom diary, which is a pdf file.) I know that when I first met with my primary care physician and I was in crisis, my heart rate and blood pressure were significantly elevated. I knew I felt awful but I was unaware that this was translating into my physiology.

The body often tells us a lot if we are willing to listen. I like the idea of looking at a person's life as a whole and attempting to get everything to work holistically towards recovery.

Here's to your health!